Callouts and Conspiracies

Today is a momentous day in BTN history. (Actually, last Thursday was; I just didn’t notice until lunch today.) I have now received my first-ever blog calling-out, wherein someone I don’t know devotes an entire post toward drawing my attention. So, congratulations, LawDawg; you have ascended the heights above such BTN luminaries as Tina the American Idol fan, and far surpassed Fanblogs’s legions of WVU-supporting morons, and gotten me to respond in a full post.

And perhaps I should be afraid, being called out by a law student with an unusual interest in (a) infectious diseases and (b) my current town of residence. Unfortunately for LD, though, I moved to Reston last fall, so I wasn’t around for the 1989 Ebola outbreak. And I was 9 years old anyway, so I probably wouldn’t have noticed unless everybody started wearing surgical masks or something. Sorry to disappoint. As for potential causes of death in Reston today, I’m more worried about speeding dot-commers in Range Rovers than killer monkey viruses.

But there’s one thing we’re all missing here. According to Wikipedia (not the most reliable source, I know), the infected monkey house was closed and converted to — get this — a day care center. And none of the kiddies have even gotten sick that we know of. A hop, skip, and a conspiracy-minded jump later, one might wonder: is someone using an unassuming suburban preschool to create legions of Ebola-resistant supertoddlers to take over the world? We are awfully close to DC, after all.

You might say that I have no proof they are. But can you prove they’re not?

A Big Announcement

Linnaeus and newmarket are pleased to announce…

…the engagement of their respective keyboardists, Heidi and Josh!

The two computers joined us here at BTN for a short Q&A session following the announcement.

So, Linnaeus, what are you most looking forward to about this new arrangement?

Does this mean I get wireless Internet at home?

Well, yes, it does.

WOOHOO! So, can you get married tomorrow?

Not so fast there, buddy. I know you’re excited about getting off the dial-up, but there are other priorities. Sometime next summer, probably.

But I want it now!

Yeah, well, life’s tough. newmarket, any thoughts from your side?

Heidi’s been talking about pruning me, since she says I’m an Apple. Yeah, but I’m not that kind of apple! Stop her! She’s scaring me!

OK, settle down. She’s just joking. She’s really not that bad — matter of fact, I kind of like her.

(sniffs) OK. But no pruning, and as long as Linnaeus doesn’t try to eat me again. Can we play more piggyback instead?

Linnaeus? How about it?

Maybe. You are promising the wireless, right?

Yep. You’ll be a full partner on the network. Actually, you already are when you come to visit.

Can I come to visit more, then?

Well, you’ll have to ask Heidi about that, but I don’t think she’ll object.

In all seriousness, we’re very excited. :) Thanks to everyone who’s commented, e-mailed, and/or passed along kind words since the news started to trickle out. And yes, if you’ve got books, we’ll take ‘em.

A Tale Of Two Boxen

H has a new computer. His name is Linnaeus.

We hoped that Linnaeus and my Mac newmarket would play nicely together, despite their size difference. Early indications were promising, as a game of “piggyback” developed.

But then Linnaeus got hungry, and, well…

I guess we can’t really blame him. After all, Malus domestica can be pretty tasty.

A Word From Our Sponsor

And now for something completely different.

In honor of his recent retirement…

[Music starts]

Bud Light presents… Real Men of Genius.

(’80s singer guy: Real Men of Genius)

Today we salute you, Mister Control-Alt-Delete creator.

(Guy: Mister Control-Alt-Delete creator!)

When we’ve been working for hours, and suddenly the screen turns blue, that’s when you shine.

(Chorus: I can’t believe it!)

Computer users all over the world swear by you… literally.

(Guy: I hate that guy!)

But in the end, they all know that without you, when their computer froze up, well, then they’d have to do actual work, instead of getting right back to surfing porn.

(Chorus: Gimme that porn)

So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Control-Alt-Delete Inventor. And if the cash register locks up trying to check you out… well, you know what to do.

(Guy: Mr. Control-Alt-Delete In-ve-e-e-en-toooor)

Anheuser Busch, Redmond, Washington.

Beamer to face discipline from Big East

BLACKSBURG, Virginia (AP) (November 20, 2002, 10:55 PM EST) — Virginia Tech head football coach Frank Beamer is expected to face discipline from the Big East office after launching into a profanity-laced tirade and causing approximately $55,000 in property damage Wednesday night after Virginia Tech’s 21-18 loss to a Big East officiating crew and West Virginia.

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